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Two fresh Grooisms



I got a couple of nice, fresh Grooisms for ya!

Some of you may recall that a couple of previous Grooisms that I posted 
involved cars. Well, here's another one.

Although it doesn't compare to getting a chopstick stuck in my carburetor, 
this first one is definitely stupid enough to qualify.

I had a bit of a logistical problem getting to the Macy's Parade on Thursday. 
Since the buses don't run early enough to get me in from where I live, I had 
to drive in. Except, I have a coolant leak somewhere, so although I could 
make it into the city, after the Parade I had a two-hour drive to get to my 
mom's house that I knew I'd never survive! I couldn't leave the car in the 
city and take a bus to my mom, because it would probably end up costing me a 
couple hundred dollars in parking fees over two full days (that's New York 
for you!) 

So I decided to drive to my grandmother's house in Queens around 3:00 am and 
take the subway in from there. Then, I could leave the car parked there for 
free, take the bus to my mom's after the Parade, have a Thanksgiving dinner 
that couldn't be beat, sleep over, take the bus to work from there the next 
day (yes, Macy's makes you work Black Friday even if you are in the Parade) 
and go to my grandmother's after work and pick up my car.

Hey, it worked out so smoothly that I should have known SOMETHING had to go 
wrong! So I tried to start my car Friday night, and after about 20 minutes of 
grinding I finally got it going (it doesn't like to start in the rain). Now I 
had to let it run so the engine could dry out, otherwise it'd just stall and 
die somewhere. As I let it run, I saw the temperature gauge climbing, so I 
turned on the heat to help vent things?COLD AIR!  I'm out of antifreeze!!! 
Luckily, I keep a couple of containers of water in the trunk plus a jug of 
coolant, so I'll just add some of this water?

(This is where it becomes a Grooism, folks)

?wait a minute! That wasn't water I just added to my radiator, that was 
de-icing windshield washer fluid!!! I got faked out because it was a clear, 
light yellowish color instead of blue, and in the raining darkness I, ummm, 
well, did I err?

Let me just read this label and see just how bad the situation is. Hmmm, 
"caution, flammable, keep away from heat?" Heat? Like, oh, I don't know, an 
OVERHEATING RADIATOR!!! I quickly added as much water as I could, and then 
stomped up the hill to my grandmother's house, woke the poor woman up and 
scared her silly, and slept over. Since I had to work Saturday (advertising 
deadlines don't know from 9-5 M-F), I didn't return until today, when I was 
able to flush the radiator and refill it with something slightly less 
dangerous. 

Which leads me to Grooism #2 (or if you remember some of my old Grooisms, 
this makes it about #9 or so) 

Between an ultra-busy extra-long work week, an exhausting but fun Parade, a 
car ordeal Friday and Sunday and a late Saturday night to see my 
brother-in-law's old garage band reunion (I rolled in around 4:30 am), well, 
I was pretty tired. So when I got home Sunday I had a quick dinner, set my 
alarm for 9:00 am and collapsed into bed reeeeal early, about 6:30 pm! I have 
an 11:00 am doctor's appointment to look at my arm (clown-related injury), so 
at least I can sleep in a bit. 

The phone woke me around 7:30, and I remember thinking who in the world is 
calling me at 7:30 in the morning? By the time I got to the phone they had 
hung up and left no message. *69 was no help, as whoever was calling me has 
caller ID blocked. SO back to sleep, and I woke up around 9:30 irritated that 
my alarm didn't go off! I must have set it for pm instead of am! At least my 
internal alarm clock didn't let me sleep too late!

I turned on the radio, jumped in the shower, noted that it must be another 
overcast day (do you see where I'm heading with this yet?), got dressed and 
was putting on my coat when I heard the radio announcer giving the traffic 
report refer to "?heavy holiday traffic on this Sunday night after 
Thanksgiving?"

It's not Monday morning, it's still Sunday night! And it's not overcast 
outside, it's just dark! AAARRRGGGHHH!!! 

Oh well, every Grooism has a cheesedip lining, at least now I have time to 
read my Groop mail!

-Larry S. AKA The Sheik Of Entropy