Epic Reviews #1-10

Forward 10

Issue 1 , March 1985 ($ 0.75 ): The Song of Groo

Plot Summary: This issue, the first of an "Epic" era, is couched in a poem by Minstrel, in which he tells three stories of Groo. In one, he must guard a bridge, in another, he must conquer some towns, and in the first, he must do what Groo does best... scare cattle! With a gourd-like nose like that, who wouldn't be great at scaring cattle?

Moral: " There is no moral! "

Evanier's Job: Phraseologist

Note: Fifty important facts about Sergio appear in the back of this Groo!

Major Characters Appearing: Groo Minstrel Taranto

Issue 2 , April 1985 ($ 0.75 ): Dragon Killer!

Plot Summary: This is probably one of the greatest Groo stories ever. I don't know why, but just really liked this one. The Minstrel is a rhyming fool throughout, as Groo heroically "vanquishes" a dragon that has been terorizing a kingdom. Groo could have made out a lot better if he hadn't tried to figure out his own plan of action... but what fun is it to just do what people tell you all the time?

Moral: " Still haven't got that moral thing down yet... "

Evanier's Job: Cryptanalyst

Note: Evanier copies Monty Python with one of Minstrel's poems!

Major Characters Appearing: Groo Minstrel

Issue 3 , May 1985 ($ 0.75 ): The Medallion

Plot Summary: The first of a great tradition of Groo doing the right thing at the wrong time. He just doesn't ever seem to know the right time to have the right friends in t A valuable lesson is taught to all about gangs (?) or maybe I'm just barking up yourself!

Moral: " No matter who you may be, there is always someone who is a little worse because they think they are a little better. "

Evanier's Job: Explanator

Note: Boy is Sergio fast! Read the Groo-Grams and see what I mean!

Major Characters Appearing: Groo

Issue 4 , June 1985 ($ 0.75 ): World Without Women!

Plot Summary: Groo takes it upon himself to "rescue" the women of several towns, all of whom were abducted by handsome, virile men on airships to be spoiled and pampered. Needless to say, since Groo always gets his man (or women), the task is accomplished. It's a good thing too, who could ever survive in a world without women? (Other than HMC graduates, of course!)

Moral: " Remember that what is good for the goose may not be good for the gander. "

Evanier's Job: Synoptist

Note: The first "mulch" joke appears in this issue!

Major Characters Appearing: Groo

Issue 5 , July 1985 ($ 0.75 ): Slavers

Plot Summary: All your hidden prejudices get turned around and flung out to dry with the laun Groo gets stuck in a never-ending cycle of saving captured humans from their capturers, only to have the slaves become the new slavers. Doesn't anyone learn? Forgive and forget! Groo forgives and forgets Taranto all the time!

Moral: " Freedom is not an individual effort. Yours comes only when you grant others the "

Evanier's Job: Dialogist

Note: The first time Groo rode on a ship and did not sink it immediately!

Major Characters Appearing: Groo

Issue 6 , August 1985 ($ 0.75 ): Eye of the Kabula

Plot Summary: Groo must steal the ruby from the eye of the Kabula from King Ojete, so that good times will return to the village of Mas-K-Kabula. Of course, the only reason that they really want the ruby back is so that they can give it to KING OJETE! You know that nothing good can come of this, don't you? You're right. But, it's not all bad, Groo has to dress up as a woman for the only time ever in his years of traveling, and the results are comedic! Thi is probably one of the best issues ever!

Moral: " Danger lurks most often when you have an eye out for it. "

Evanier's Job: Paraphraser

Note: There's a leopard that looks suspiciously like Rufferto and loves Groo!

Major Characters Appearing: Groo

Issue 7 , September 1985 ($ 0.75 ): The Ivory Graveyard

Plot Summary: Groo embarks on a kopin-earning escapade involving the tusks of large pachyderms. He gets his. Then the Sage appears in a small story of his own, one in which he is wrongfully accused of being a great doctor, one capable of bringing a deceased King back from the dead. He'd better be able to, or he'll be joining that Kingy. (In a day gone by, he roamed the land, dispensing his wisdom. He was The... SAGE)

Moral: " No one profits at the death of another (except for the mortician.) "

Evanier's Job: Transliterator, Utterer

Note: This is the first Epic issue with a Sage story in the back!

Major Characters Appearing: Groo Mulch Sage

Issue 8 , October 1985 ($ 0.75 ): The Treasure of Kantor

Plot Summary: As was all the rage in recent movies such as "The Jungle Book," and "Congo," Groo finds himself in the middle of a dense jungle, trying to find an ancient treasure, guarded by fierce gorilla-like guardians. Taranto finds himself there as well, but eventually wishes he hadn't. What is self-proclaimed "Big City Barbarian" Groo doing in the jungle in the first place? I guess he still hasn't found his way out since issue five!

Moral: " When you double-cross a friend, you triple-cross yourself. "

Evanier's Job: Renderer

Note: Michael Chricton (sp?) read this Groo, then wrote Congo!

Major Characters Appearing: Groo Taranto

Issue 9 , November 1985 ($ 0.75 ): Pigs and Apples

Plot Summary: This issue, like so many others, is actually just Sage relating a story about something foolish Groo has done in the past. The Saeg relates these stories not to enlighten those listening, but rather to earn a few scraps of food and maybe a kopin or two. This particular story happens to do with Groo and two ancient food taboos. There are two starving towns, one in which apples rot on the trees, and the other in which pigs run free, both food sources untouched due to religious convictions. Groo puts an end to all that, and needless to say, ends up retching for weeks!

Moral: " This is the last story without a moral. "

Evanier's Job: Depurator

Note: This was the first Groo I ever bought!

Major Characters Appearing: Groo Mulch Sage

Issue 10 , December 1985 ($ 0.75 ): Groo Meets the Hero

Plot Summary: In this, the first appearance of Arcadio, the Minstrel reappears to sing his praises. Mark loves writing those poems, including a personal favorite ditty regarding Groo: "As I told you, he is good- Fast at meat, and slow at wood." Oh yeah.. the plot! The plot is simple, actually: Groo does good deeds, Arcadio gets the credit. Same as ever.

Moral: " History is made by the winners... and written by those with the loudest voices. "

Evanier's Job: Accompanist

Note: In Groo-Grams is published the second and last negative letter ever received!

Major Characters Appearing: Arcadio Groo Minstrel

Last updated August 14, 1995 by Josh Jones!